the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
