I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
