he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
