Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
