The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
