Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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