he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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