I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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