Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
