You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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