You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
