Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
