But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
