my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
