There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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