The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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