i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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