I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
