You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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