dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
