my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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