What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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