Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
