Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
