I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
