I got chris browned last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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