The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
