i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
