peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
