who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
