have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
