You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
