your parents love me but you hate me
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
