Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
