My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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