so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I AM VODKA MAN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
