You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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