we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
