my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
