just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
