I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This toilet bowl is my home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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