ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
