If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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