i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
