I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A+ Viking dick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
