Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
