Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
