we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I will be naked everywhere
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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