My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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