Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
