took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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