Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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